unconvenience:

Know what’s on the menu? Me-n-u

(Source: unconvenience, via guy)

attractive boy: hi i'm famous
attractive boy: hi i'm gay
attractive boy: hi i'm a douchebag
attractive boy: hi i'm twice your age
attractive boy: hi i have a girlfriend
attractive boy: hi i don't like you back
attractive boy: hi i live on the other side of the planet
attractive boy: hi i don't know that you exist
attractive boy: hi i'm a fictional character
shorm:

pigfacedlady:

vardaesque:

rheabekkahc:

What the hell is that fox doing?

probably making a withdrawal seeing as he’s in line at the atm

my favorite part about this picture is that people saw the fox there and just started queuing behind it

well yeah, cutting in line is rude

shorm:

pigfacedlady:

vardaesque:

rheabekkahc:

What the hell is that fox doing?

probably making a withdrawal seeing as he’s in line at the atm

my favorite part about this picture is that people saw the fox there and just started queuing behind it

well yeah, cutting in line is rude

(Source: tibets, via officialwhitegirls)

I’m Afraid of Squirrels (not mine)

I am afraid of squirrels. There I said it. Those little furry jerks scare the crap out of me. Now I know what you’re thinking, why would a grown woman be afraid of a little, bitty squirrel. Well, sit back, grab a bowl of popcorn and a tasty beverage and I’ll tell you a story.

It all started when I was little. There were pecan trees outside our house, and without fail, every single time I stepped outside the fuzzy jerks would pelt me with pecans. To my knowledge I had never done a single thing to them. I’d never thrown things at them, chased them, or bothered them in any way. So this treatment continued over the years. After I moved away from home to an entirely different state I figured that I wouldn’t have to worry about being harassed by squirrels anymore. I began attending college on a beautiful campus. Trees were everywhere I turned….and there were squirrels. Not just any squirrels, I mean industrial sized, sumo squirrels built like tanks. Yet again I figured that it wasn’t an issue. It’s not like they have a secret underground network of squirrel spies that put hits out on targets or anything…or so I thought. To this day I’m starting to think that the furry critters just might. 

So on a peaceful spring day I was walking to class and minding my own business when I suddenly hear a rustling noise above me. I look up into the tree and notice a squirrel or two. The next thing I know, they’ve jumped out of the tree directly towards my head, so I jump out of the way figuring that they may have simply fallen. Nope. These things took one look at me and start to give chase, and they looked mad, so naturally I ran. Now think about any action movie chase seen you’ve ever watched. You know how the person being chased is barreling past people, hip checking old ladies, and dodging through on coming traffic? Well that was what I had to do. So you’re probably thinking, “Isn’t that a bit excessive for being chased by two little squirrels?” Well, it would have been if it was only two little squirrels, but every time I looked behind me more had joined the group. At this point I counted about 12 or so, but I was running so an exact figure couldn’t be determined.

During the confusion, I realized that I’d been eating peanut butter M&Ms, so I figured that they must have smelled the peanut butter. Maybe that’s why they were after me. I know nothing about a squirrel’s sense of smell, so I wasn’t going to take the chance. I dropped the bag and hoped for the best….but they just kept coming! Did I mention all the people that were laughing as I raced past? No? Well they were having a great time at my expense I can tell you. They only person who showed any “sympathy” to my plight was my friend that I raced past, and I vaguely heard her yell “Holy crap!” as I came her way. She didn’t try to help me mind you, but she did at least seem concerned.

So I finally made it across campus to my classroom and ran inside the building. The rest of the class trickled in, and there was a great deal of laughing and teasing at my expense. They even started calling me “Squirrel Girl.” I figured that the critters would be gone by the time class was over, so I sat back to catch my breath and wait for class to finish. Sadly I was mistaken. When class was over I left the room and headed for the doors that took us outside, but a crowd of people were blocking my path. It seems that everyone was too scared to go outside because there was a pack of squirrels waiting. When I squeezed through to look out the windows I couldn’t believe my eyes! Squirrels were covering the parked cars, they were sitting on the stairs leading inside, they were lining the branches of the nearby trees. As far as the eye could see…squirrels everywhere. I left everyone else to figure out how they’d get out, walked all the way to the other side of the building and snuck out the back exit. I decided it might be best if I skipped the rest of my classes for the day, but none of my professors bought my excuse.

Yes, this is indeed a true story. People still see me and call me squirrel Girl to this day.

thalassophiliaa:

canaydian:

bitchesaloud:

canaydian:

can the science side of tumblr explain to me why i do not have a boyfriend yet

because you’re ugly

do i know u

It’s because boys are too intimidated by you because you’re so perfect and yea

madeupmonkeyshit:

when you pushing out the fart

then you realize it aint fart

image

(via ruinedchildhood)